Episode 307 Livestream Recap
{307} Monday, June 6, 2022
Monday {307}
June 6, 2022
A call with no timer? Oh no.
PayPal Customer Care
Timer was green against a green background, not visible.
We booped. We called back. She didn’t answer.
Reversing causes expletives
Geek Squad?
Jessica vs Louis William / (Loose Williams)
Invoice number 2699481, using AnyDesk.
He didn’t like the request to reverse the connection.
Loose: “Just do one thing. Just go and ask your mother if she is good or not so you can go ahead and fuck your mother.”
Loose booped.
15min 57sec
title
Jessica vs Jordan William. Norton incoming return call
Refund amount $284.71 / $499.99 Powered by Norton 360
Jessica: “You’re being really ‘speed up’ right now. Would it be possible if you could ‘speed down’?”
Call got disconnected.
7min 50 sec
Jordan called back.
Jessica [overtalking]: “Briefly, for a second, it said ‘download now’ and then it popped out of existence. It was just gone. In a flash. In the blink of an eye, it was gone. It was there for a second. It was there for a second. Now, it just says start business trial, purchase now. OK. Just gone. You know? Like a fart in the wind. Like you caught the smell of it but then it never came back. Gone. You ever been in a situation like that? Dust in the wind. You know what I mean? It’s gone.”
Jessica: “Oh, I need to speed down, too. I’m sorry.”
Jessica: “Yeah, I see it. Do you want me to read it out again? I don’t understand. You just read out the entire number back to me and now you want me to read it again? You want me to read it again? Is that what you want? You want me to read it again?”
Jessica: “Just make sure you’re not fatfingering it all or something.”
Jessica: “You didn’t put the numbers in lowercase, did you? Just make sure the numbers are not, they’re in uppercase. They look like uppercase numbers. They’re not lowercase.”
Password Jessica chose is ponyhair1234
Jessica: (in answer to hold old) “That’s a rude question to ask somebody. Don’t you think?”
Jordan: “I will fuck your mom, you motherfucker.”
Jordan: “I need to fuck someone very badly.”
Jessica: “That sounds like a ‘you’ problem.”
Jordan: “Yeah. So, whom would you like to get fucked? Is that you are coming or you will send your mom to fuck me, fuck with me?”
Jessica: “You said that with such confidence. I like it. Such confidence. No hesitation whatsoever.”
Jessica: “Have you lost your mind, son? Have you lost your mind?”
Someone booped while the stream was down. (That’s gonna get fixed)
33min 52sec
[00:50:40] of second stream – RABIES
Jessica Wilson vs John Hendricks & Jack Davis & Chris Brown & Alex & Steven Williams & Daniel Parker Geek Squad. Invoice number 2699481
He booped. 2min 32sec
He called back.
Transferred to someone else.
Call kept breaking up.
We booped.6min 04sec
We called back.
John Hendricks answered.
He put us on hold.
We booped. 7min 03sec
Jack Davis called us back. Chase Bank username: 8tpercent13
Refund amount $389.99
Starting balances: Checking $1,247.23 / Savings $7,563.58 / CC $-235.23
Transferred to Chris Brown, senior executive in the refund department
Cancellation ID# 78610325216137790 but when asked to say it again more slowly, it was 78610322523721765
Jessica: “You know, it’s considered rude to ask a computer its age. Right?”
Jessica: “So, the server’s kind of updating right now? What does that mean? What is it updating from? You said it’s foaming again? What do you mean it’s foaming again? You said the server was foaming again? Does that mean it has rabies?”
Jessica: “I thought I heard you say, ‘The server has rabies. It’s foaming again.’ Did I mis-hear you?”
Chris: “How many years you use this computer? Like from getting the antivirus program from our company?”
Jessica: “Just me.”
Chris: “Sorry?”
Jessica: “Just. Me.”
Chris: “I cannot hear you, ma’am. Can you please speak louder, a little bit?”
Jessica: “Just me!”
Jessica: “Is it because the server has rabies?”
Chris: “Yes.”
Jessica: “OK, good. So, what do we have to do to get rid of the rabies off the computer?”
Chris: “We will do it. We’ll do it from my end.”
Jessica: “What’s the process? Is it very similar to other processes of rabies? I don’t know if that’s a computer virus. I guess? Right?”
Chris: “Yeah. Everything, we will be removing it. You can see your computer is updating.”
Jessica: “It is updating. So, it’s updating to remove the rabies?”
Jessica: “Do I need to install the Geek Squad rabies antivirus?”
Chris: “Yes.”
Someone booped while the stream was down. 34min 12sec
He called back many times. We didn’t answer at first.
Eventually, Chris Brown called back and we answered.
Attempted transfer of $998 through Zelle
Jessica: “What do you mean give it back to me? I didn’t want you to take it in the first place.”
Jessica: “Set your clown shoes down. Sit your clown booty down for a second. Alright?”
Jessica: “Chris Brown, stop honking your nose right now. Just listen to me. Take your red nose and throw it on the floor. Throw it in the dustbin. Stop talking. OK? Just stop talking.”
Jessica: “Now, you may talk.”
Jessica [overtalking]: “At 25% what? What does the 25% mean? Updating 25% of your effort? Is that what it is? 25% effort? ‘Cause that’s what it seems like to me.”
Jessica [overtalking]: “Did I told you to take it? We went over this. Did I told you to take it? Did I told you? […] Why did you take $1,000 out of my account? […] You’re gonna tell me the server just did it? […] Did I told you to take my money?”
Jessica: “Now, you owe me a lot of money. I don’t think I want to dig this hole any deeper.”
Jessica: “You’re doing it again. Your mouth’s running and your ears aren’t listening. You can’t do both at the same time. You just can’t. It’s impossible. It’s impossible. It’s impossible.”
Chris booped.49min01sec
Chris called back.
Chris is 27 years old and lives in Santa Barbara, CA and has worked there for 3 years. He knows how to Google the address of the Geek Squad headquarters.
Jessica [overtalking]: “Go stand in the corner. Go stand in the shame corner. Just go put your head in the shame corner. Go put your head in the corner. Yeah. Go take a timeout. Alright. Five minutes. Just put your head in the shame corner for five minutes. Yeah. You’re still on the phone. I need you to just go shove your face in the corner. Make me happy. Just shove your face in the corner. Take five minutes. Just go to the corner. Go to the corner for five minutes. I’m on the line with you. Just go to the corner. Stick your face in the corner. Thank you. Thank you.”
Rinoa: “I just gave a scammer timeout. I just put the scammer in timeout right now. I just told the scammer to go to timeout.”
Transferred to banking manager, Alex.
Transferred back to Jack.
Jessica: “What color should these red balls be? Why are they all red?”
Jessica: “Are these infected balls?”
Jessica: “How do we remove these balls?”
Jessica: “These red ones, these are infected balls? […] How do I get rid of these infected balls?”
Jessica: “Do we need some antibiotics or something for this infection or what? How do we get rid of, how do we cleanse these balls? How do we remove these balls?”
Jessica: “They obviously deleted the option to delete them?”
Jessica: “So, once the balls are cleaned, they’re cleaned for good? There will be no rash.”
Jessica: “Just clean your balls. That’s all I’m asking you to do.”
Jessica: “I feel like I’ve been facing big problems since I’ve been talking to you.”
He booped but continued working on the computer. 1hr 18min 38sec
Daniel Parker called us back.
Transferred back to Jack.
Transferred to Steven Williams.
Jessica: “How did you screw up so bad? Steve, where did it all start? Was it during birth? When did it start?”
Jessica: “My naked eyes are on the computer screen right now.”
Jessica: “Should I be recording it from my side as well?”
Jessica: “My bank account’s not working either.” (It was and he knew that.)
Reference ID number GQMS552921
Jessica accuses him of stealing money from his company and laundering it through her.
Jessica: “Wow. You’re a criminal.”
Jessica: “Why do you confuse me? Do you like smacking me in the face with a brick of confusion? I’m so confused right now. Why are you doing this to me?”
Jessica: “All I’m saying is there’s no sweat off your red balls.”
Jessica: “I don’t understand. Maybe it’s because you are doing something shady.”
Jessica: “I’ve dealt with more problems with you in this single call than with my ISP.”
Jessica: “I know, but your team is bananas. I don’t think you’re gonna be any better. Listen for a second. Listen just for a second there. I talked to a Jack Davis who screwed up. I talked to a Jordan Williams who screwed up. I talked to a Chris Brown who screwed up. I talked to Alex who screwed up. I talked to Daniel Parker who screwed up. And I’m talking to a Steve Williams. Why is Steve any different than everybody else that screwed up from this clown house that I’ve been talking to?”
Jessica: “Sort it out with your team because I feel like anyone that’s just walking down the street, you give them a promotion. ‘Do you want a job? Come on in. No education? No experience? You’re hired! Why not? What’s the worst that could happen? I don’t know. Maybe some money might get transferred out of somebody’s account.’ This is like a worst case scenario that’s happening right now. We’re in worst case scenario territory right now.”
Jessica decided to call her bank to get everything worked out but then didn’t.
Jessica [overtalking]: “It’s an updating 25% screen. Why am I seeing a 25% updating screen? It’s always 25%. Did you know that? But it’s always 25%. It never goes up. I just wanna let you know. I just thought I’d let you know it never goes, did you know that? It never goes past 25%. It stays on 25 forever, just always constantly, ‘Updating your computer… 25% complete… Please do not shut down your computer.’ I’ve been waiting. I stare at that 25 and it tears my soul apart as my eyes begin to turn to a blue everywhere because I’ve been staring at this blue screen for so long. My emotions fade away as I pray, as I pray for a 26. That’s all I want is just one digit higher. It’s the 25 nightmare. We’re only a quarter of the way there and it’ll never go past. It’s like you sit at the quarter. It’s like a quarter of the effort is being put in. It never rolls over to 26. It will always be 25%, one quarter of the way. The glass is only a quarter of the way full. It’s only a quarter of the way. It’s not even halfway there. You’re not even half-assing it. It’s a quarter of an ass right now. Solid quarter of the ass.”
Jessica: “I don’t think you did. I don’t think you did. I think, from the beginning, this was deliberate.”
Steve: “You are just showing me your backface.”
Jessica [overtalking]: “I don’t have a backface. OK, dude? I don’t have a backface. What is a backface? I don’t understand. Was I turning my back on you? What is a backface?”
Transferred back to Jack
Jack fake-cried because he’s gonna lose his job.
Jessica: “Dry up the crocodile tears. Go splash some water in your face. You know? […] You’re embarrassing me. Listen. Go splash some water on your face. Calm down. Come back when you got a glass of water. Calm down. You’re being overdramatic right now. Go get some water. Splash some toilet water on your face.”
Jessica: “Can you get off my computer? Give me back my computer. Just go away.”
Jessica: “Why has the last two hours of my life been so stupid?!”
Jessica [overtalking]: “I don’t want to do this anymore. I don’t want to do this anymore. I’m throwing my computer in the dustbin. It’s going in the dustbin. Just throw the whole computer in the dustbin. Throw it in the dustbin. Throw it in the dustbin. I’m throwing the computer in the dustbin. I’m throwing the computer in the dustbin. I don’t want this computer. Throw it in the dustbin. I’m throwing the computer in the dustbin. I’m throwing the computer in the dustbin. Enjoy. No, no, no, no, no, no, no. I’m unplugging it. I’m unplugging it. Give me a second. I’m unplugging the computer. I’m taking it out. The computer is unplugged. It’s going in the dustbin to go in the trash, where it belongs. I don’t want the computer anymore. It’s in the dustbin. In the dustbin! Where it belongs! I don’t want the computer. You can have it. I’m done. You are the worst technical support I’ve ever talked to. You didn’t fix anything. You’ve made a problem out of everything. I’m happy it’s in the dustbin. I’m happy it’s in the dustbin. It’s in the dustbin. I’m gonna use your money to buy a new computer because you locked mine. Five thousand dollars, you just bought yourself a dustbin computer. So, enjoy that. You can dig it out of the trash when it reaches the landfill. You can go scooping through the dirty diapers. I hope you don’t get rabies or something from it. OK? Hope you have a good one. I’m buying a brand new computer. I’m done. I’m done.”
We booped.2hr 30min 26sec
Jack called back.
Jessica: “I’m not doing this anymore. This is crazy.”
Jessica: “If anything, the karma is coming back to you.”
Jessica: “I don’t know what’s the hacker and what’s imbeciles. I can’t tell anymore. They’re identical.”
Jessica [overtalking]: “The computer’s in the dustbin. You can get it out of the landfill when it gets there. You can take it right out of the landfill, right by the raccoon that’s probably sitting inside of it, burrowing a little nest in there with dirty diapers and a halfeaten apple core. You can dig in there and you can get that thing outta there. OK? In the landfill with maybe a banana. You can wipe it down with the used rags next to it. You know what I mean?”
Jessica: “That’s right! You are a walking mistake! You just keep on doing it. You’re just walking all over the mistakes. Mistakes just walk down your path, an endless path of mistakes. You could almost make the argument that your life was a mistake all the way through. Huh? What are you doing? What do you want me to do about this?”
Jessica: “Come get your money. Just come and get it. How about that? You can come get it. I’ll leave it at the bus stop. It’s in a briefcase under the bus stop. Or even better yet, I’ll go to my bank. Right? I’ll withdraw the money and I’ll leave it in the dustbin with the computer. This way, when you collect the computer, you can get the money at the same time. Bam. Whaddabaddabing. That’s problem solved. You know what I mean? You can take home the raccoon, Larry. I gave him a good name. You know what I mean? Give him a good little place to stay, tuck him in at night, kiss him on the forehead.”
Jessica: “[My kids] wouldn’t make such mistakes. They wouldn’t have made such mistakes. No. Maybe one mistake. Right? But let them make mistakes. They’re learning. Right? They’re kids. They learn from their mistakes. I can’t be there to correct everything for them. But at the same time, they’re gonna learn from it. You, on the other hand, you don’t learn from your mistakes.”
Jessica: “You just don’t learn.”
Jessica: “You’re gonna have to figure it out. Pack your bags. Get your little saddle going. I don’t know what to tell you.”
Jessica: So, you’re threatening my kids with karma? Huh? Are you the karma police or something? What are you gonna do about it?”
Jessica [overtalking]: “You wanna talk about karma, right? You wanna talk about karma for a second? You’re on there talking about karma right now. Right? What did you do to make today so bad? ‘Cause something must have been done. You had to have done something where karma said, ‘Oh, this guy? We’re gonna wreck him today. You obviously were in the path of karma, then. So, what did you do? You’re dodging the question here. You’re dodging the question. I asked you about your karma today. What did you do today to make karma against you today? ‘Cause you’re in the path right now. Right? You’re standing in the middle of the road and karma’s coming with a semi. What are you supposed to do about it? You’re getting hit pretty bad right now. What’s up?”
Jessica: “You wouldn’t dare. You don’t even have the red balls to do it.”
Jessica: “What’s karma gonna do? I haven’t done anything wrong.”
Jessica: “I’m just saying you don’t have the infected balls to say anything to me.”
Jack told Jessica to go buy four Target gift cards of $500 each.
Jessica: “That’s how we please karma? Is by getting you a gift card?”
Jessica: “It’s gonna take 6 hours [to get Target gift cards]. It’s a quarter of a day, just like your computer. A quarter of the way there. We’re only gonna give half an ass for this one.”
Jessica: “I’ll get you your money back but I’m gonna take my sweet time. OK? The way you’ve been talking to me? The way you’ve been treating me? Nah, I think six hours is fine. I’ll give you your money back in six hours.”
Jessica [overtalking]: “I’m gonna go to the Target right now. I’m gonna get you the cards, whatever you want, gift cards, right? I’m gonna give them back to you in six hours but I’m gonna put on some movie. I’m gonna drink some wine, maybe do a bubblebath or something. I’m gonna relax. I’m gonna relax. I’m gonna take it easy. I’m gonna chill. I’m gonna go in the bathtub, just enjoy my time. Right? Maybe have a nice glass of wine or something and enjoy my time. Get a thumb drive.”
Jessica: “I’m not wasting my six hours. No way. I’ll just call you in six hours.”
Jessica: “Alexa, set a timer for Doofus for six hours.”
Jessica: “You gave me a hard time. I’m giving you a hard time.”
Jessica: “You’re under my rules right now. We’re playing my game. You’re paying for a new computer because you broke mine and I think that’s fair.”
Jessica: “Own up to your mistake.”
We said we’d call back in 6 hours to give him the Target gift cards.
2hr 50min 09sec
They called back.
Jessica: “Be next to your phone in six hours. I’m gonna call you back. Alright? I’ll talk to you then. Until then, I don’t wanna hear from you. OK? I don’t wanna hear from you. Set a reminder. Set a reminder. ‘Cause I will be back.”
We booped.2hr 50min 09sec
Rinoa: “I’ve got one scammer in a corner right now. Oh my god. How did I take full control of that call? Full control of that whole thing.”
Jack called back.
Jessica [overtalking]: “Has it been six hours? Do you have no concept of time? Do you know how long six hours is? ‘Cause I can tell you right now, it’s been like six seconds. Did I told you to call?! Has it been six hours? Just tell me, just yes or no. Has it been six hours? Yes or no?! Yes?! Or no?! One or zero? Yes or no? Has it been six hours? Has it been six hours? You have no concept of time. I haven’t even gotten my shoes on. I haven’t even left the apartment. You kidding me right now?”
Jessica: “Do you want me to make it 7 hours? Because I’ll give you 26%. I’m gonna go take a bubblebath. Don’t you dare call me until tomorrow morning. Do you understand me? I’m so stressed at you right now. Don’t you dare call me.”
We booped.
2hr 51min 37sec
Jack called back.
Jessica: “That’s why I’m trying to let you know that I’m angry and I need to calm down. You have me angry. I wanna take a bath. I wanna drink some wine. I wanna call you when I’m not stressed.”
We finally booped and called it.
2hr 52min 11sec
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