Episode 296 Livestream Recap
{296} Tuesday, May 17, 2022
Ep.296 5/17/22
Oh Dhruv
(cont.) Nancy 13 Maple Street 94118 vs Dhruv
Dhruv / Banana Lover sent some texts prior to stream:
“Are you home yet?”
“Tell me when you’re home.”
Called Dhruv back.
Dhruv is busy with another customer. Whoever answered said to call back.
We have $10,000 cash to send him!
“When did I become not important to you? We were gonna build a life together.” – Nancy
“So you put me on the back burner just like everyone else?!” – Nancy
“Yeah, you wanna get the banana in the box.” – Nancy
“Can I write you a handwritten note that I can write you a little John Deare letter for you? A John Deare letter for you. Right?” – Nancy
Dhruv will call us back soon.
Dhruv called back.
Tells Nancy to use UPS to send the money.
Take your favorite book, put the money in each page of the book, wrap the book with tin foil, not too heavy, no plastic bag,
Dhruv’s favorite author is Chetan Bhagat.
“I had a goldfish once and that sucker was always surprised.” – Nancy
“You gotta take a chill pill right now, man.” – Nancy
“Take that chill pill, a suppository one. Right?” – Nancy
“Burp: Noisily remove air from the stomach through the mouth.” – Dhruv
Dhruv wants “sex books” now – 50 Shades of Grey and 50 Shades of Darker
“I thought I was more than a customer. Am I only a customer to you?” – Nancy
“Absolutely. Go deal with your favorite customer.” – Nancy
Dhruv has a fake conversation with “customer Mike Johnson.”
“You didn’t ask him to beep the horn. Just sayin’. You trust him.” – Nancy
Nancy went to Walmart to buy two (surprise) books and tin foil ‘not toilet roll, I said tin foil’.
We were on hold and Dhruv must have hung up.
We called him back.
Nancy ‘bought’ two books and tin foil.
Will buy a box and pick up a form at the UPS store.
Heading to the UPS store now.
“I’m listening to you. I’m asking what the two-thing is.” – Nancy
“Like a coffin-sized box?” – Nancy
“I can imagine the size of the box!” – Nancy
“You are wasting a lot of time.” – Dhruv
“What’s your favorite number?” – Nancy
“My favorite number is 4-2-0.” – Dhruv
“4-2-0? So, 4 hundred 20? 420. Oh, I see what you did there. I see what you did there. You know what my favorite number is, right?” – Nancy
“Your favorite number is 4-2-0?” – Dhruv
“No, no, no. Mine’s not 4-2-0. You know what mine is, right?” – Nancy
“What’s yours? What’s your favorite number? Should I guess?” – Dhruv
“My favorite number, my favorite number is BOOM 13!! Love the number 13. My favorite. My favorite number.” – Nancy
“We get along so well. Don’t we? Don’t we just get along so well? Just like best friends, like best friends.” – Rinoa
“Dhruv is amazing. Oh boy. Yeah, I know, what a charmer. What a charmer. Such a charmer. Anybody would be glad to be taken, to be hand-in-hand with that fella. Oh my gosh. What a wonderful individual. What an absolute breath of fresh air. What a bastard.” – Rinoa
“Can you imagine if he was baiting me the whole time? He’s like, ‘Ahh… wasted your time! I wasn’t ever gonna get you the address. I knew it the whole time! I knew you were wasting 13 hours of my life on the phone. I had a timer going on my computer. It was to let me know when my baked potato was ready.’” – Rinoa
Dhruv says he’s going to text the address.
Dhruv told us to go home to pack up the box.
He told Nancy to listen to a song called ILY while she’s driving.
“Dhruv, it’s compact disc!” – Nancy
“You never, ever get me. Do you ever just listen to me for once?” – Nancy
Dhruv sang a song for Nancy called “Be Alright” by Dean Lewis.
“I wanted to hear your beautiful voice.” – Nancy
“Keep singing. I didn’t tell you to stop. Did I? Did I tell you to stop? I don’t think I did. I don’t think I did!” – Nancy
“Repeat it again. It wasn’t bad enough the first time.” – Nancy
Dhruv sang “21 Guns” by Green Day for us.
“You’ve done that song almost no justice whatsoever but it’s a beautiful song. It’s an absolute treasure.” – Nancy
“Honestly, I would say Billie Joe Armstrong has to be careful because, if they ever decided to replace the lead singer, they would definitely be picking you.” – Nancy
“Time is critical!!” – Nancy
“Dhruv, I need instructions! I need order!” – Nancy
“I gotta turd the page a bunch of times. Turd page, turd page, turd page…” – Nancy
“Dhruv, Captain, Captain! I got a papercut! It’s bleeding! It’s bleeding! It’s bleeding! I need a bandaid! I need medical attention!” – Nancy
Dhruv booped.
We called back.
“Bandaid comes after the packaging, after the packaging.” – Nancy
Nancy started reading Moby Dick while packing the money into the books.
“You always do this. You always waste my time. I’m going to hung up on you.” – Nancy
Dhruv texted the address but it’s a house on the market. No use in reporting the address. Someone will come by the vacant house to pick up the package once it is delivered.
Dhruv said to go to the UPS store to ship the box.
We booped.
Dhruv called back.
“On my birthday, I have several things. I will come to you.” – Dhruv
The UPS store was closed by the time we got there.
Dhruv booped
Dhruv called back but we didn’t answer.
We called him back.
“That was one hell of an update.” – Nancy
We drove to another UPS store.
“It sounds like a woodpecker. Is it a bird?” – Nancy
“You wouldn’t be alive if it was a magpie. Right?” – Nancy
“You speak a lot. Work on your listening skills. Work on your listening skills. OK?” – Nancy
“I still need a bandaid, Dhruv. The bleeding kinda stopped but it might get infected.” – Nancy
“You could just do the one thing with me, just talk to me while I’m driving there.” – Nancy
“I have a tradition in my family where we all make bird calls while we eat dinner. I think we should keep the tradition going.” – Nancy
“Nobody shouts at my fartbomb.” – Nancy
“No one shats on you on my watch. OK? Clean that shat off yourself and let’s pick yourself up. OK? You got a little on your lip. Get it off of there. OK? Don’t let them yell at you like that. OK?” – Nancy
“Love can wait. Love can wait.” – Nancy
We booped.
Dhruv called back.
“You always do this to me. All the time. I’m trying to be nice to you. I’m always trying to get you things. I’m trying to always go out of my way to be the kindest person I can possibly be for you. And you know what you do? ‘I’m hunging up on you,’ BAM, and then you call back. You call back. Well, you know what? I’m hunging up on you and never call this number again. Never call me again. Never. Put it out of your mind. Take this number and put it out of your mind. Understand? Never call on this number.” – Heartbroken Nancy
We booped.
14hr 16min 29sec
Dhruv sent some more texts:
“Go fuck yourself. Now always calling here to do pranks on me. You want to buy lots of things for me but then you don’t give me anything.”
“You treat me like your toy. Once you’re done your playing, you hung up.”
“Never call here again, nor will I call you. Time is money for me and you already wasted a lot of my time.”
Addendum
Incoming call from crypto support, returning our missed call
He couldn’t find her account.
He booped.
2min 41sec
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