Episode 302 Livestream Recap
{302} Thursday, May 26, 2022
Ep 302 5/26/22
Weiner has called several times and sent text messages prior to stream.
“Good morning. Weiner here. Are you there? Reply. Pick up my call. Call me.”
The full Weiner
We called Mr. Weiner. (Jessica received the returned parcel from the USPS.)
“I can tell them I’m installing a cat door. If they ask what kind of home renovations, I can say a cat door.” – Jessica
Weiner tells us to go to the post office to exchange the money orders for blank money orders.
“Last night, you were telling me how your best friend was banging your wife, or your future wife, and then you won her over.” – Jessica
We heard the rest of the epic love story for all time.
“If something is mine, it will stay mine. If something goes away from me, then it’s not meant to be mine.” – Weiner
“So, you’re kinda like Mr. Jekyll and Hyde?” – Jessica
Advice on his colleagues.
“I know, but you gotta smack them down with your authority. You gotta show them that they have to respect you.” – Jessica
“Say David is having a bad day. Right? And you tell him to do something and he’s like, ‘You know what? I didn’t like the way Mr. Weiner talked to me.’ Right? So, Mr. David is like, ‘You know what? I’m just gonna take a big nasty one right on your desk.’ And you come into the office and there’s a big steamer right on your keyboard. What do you think about that?” – Jessica
“You would terminate him over a poop?” – Jessica
“What if he tells you it was an accident?” – Jessica
Got the name “Carla” for the money orders. Possible mule.
Phone numbers for Carla are all disconnected or were different people.
We got the money orders written out to Carla.
“We’re going to the supermarket now. We’re driving to the supermarket. Let me fill you guys in. We’re going to the supermarket. We got the checks. We filled in the blank checks to ‘the’ Carla. They’re all good. Now, we’re heading to the supermarket to get the other checks replaced. Right? OK. I just wanted to catch everyone up. Everyone kinda couldn’t hear you.” – Jessica
“What’s the difference between a piano and a fish? You can tune a piano but you can’t tuna fish.” – Jessica’s joke for Weiner
Weiner calls an Uber when he gets drunk at the bar. He has had a DUI before and can’t afford to have one again.
We heard the rest of the story of Toothless, the twerking dog.
“That was the tale of my fiance and how I ruined the perfect relationship I ever had because of the twerking dog.” – Jessica
“Fun dog. Fun dog. He works in Vegas now. He’s a Vegas dog. He travels between Vegas and my house. He’s a Vegas show dog now. He’s the twerking dog.” – Jessica
Weiner is unable to find him on Google, despite there being videos of countless twerking dogs shown.
“He should have a blue collar.” – Jessica
Stream restarted due to buffering.
Call must have disconnected while stream was down.
Weiner called us back.
He says that we should send cash now.
“Did you crack the code to unlock the computer?” – Jessica
Weiner tells Jessica to withdraw $6,000 cash today.
Jessica withdrew $5,000 cash from her bank.
Weiner tells Jessica to buy 10 Target gift cards for $500 each. Says that each store will only sell her three cards, so she’ll need to go to multiple stores.
“What is your best memory from your entire life?” – Jessica
“We went to India on our honeymoon.” – Weiner (coming alive)
“I thought you have to attend to me. I’m an urgent call. I’m a priority here. My life is being hacked by the hackers and you need to help me.” – Jessica
We booped because Weiner had another call to take.
Weiner called back and said not to hang up the call.
So we booped.
We called Weiner back when we got to the store, where Jessica bought three cards for $500 each.
“I’ve been running around town like a squirrel with no underpants on right now.” – Jessica
[overtalking] “I got the cards. I got the three secure hacking cards to unlock the portal to, the three portal, now we need to get to my computer. That’s the trick, because the computer is still in the locked position and we need to unlock it.” – Jessica
“I feel like a hamster in a spaceship. Alright? I feel like I’m just running on a wheel. Right? You feel like you aren’t getting anywhere but the exercise is there. Right?” – Jessica
“Still useless. Still useless. Unbelievable. This is crazy. This is crazy. This hacker has you by the balls right now. He’s controlling you. How do you know he doesn’t have full control over you?” – Jessica
[overtalking] “Well, how much money? You’ve made me, look, look, look, look, look. I’ve checked my bank account. I’ve asked. I am missing almost $20,000 from my bank account right now and you guys have, I know, but you’ve let this, I know, but you guys, you’ve been a nightmare. You’ve been letting this hacker run all chaos on you. Noooooo… You’ve let this hacker run wild on you. He’s basically like the Hulkamania right now. Running wild on you right now. It’s a maniac running on you right now. Consider it like a pencil that has rolled off the table. It’s chaos. It is chaos. I’m pretty sure the lead has broken. It is no longer a sharp pencil. This is chaos. How are you supposed to write without a sharp pencil? You have no sharpener because you can’t get back into the computer.” – Jessica
Weiner booped then called back.
“Did I ask you for your suggestion? Did I ask you for your ideas?” – Weiner
“Are you farting right now?” – Jessica
“As you are scooping up the BS that is coming out of your mouth all the time, I keep listening.” – Jessica
“Isn’t the money we sent him already enough? Or do we need more money?” – Jessica
“Don’t you dare hang up the call. I’m not done with you.” – Not sure if Jessica or Rinoa said this to him
“Have you ever considered being an MMA fighter?” – Jessica
Get money orders for $3,500 total with the same Carla name as before.
We got the money orders.
Jessica put the Target cards in the envelope with the money orders.
“I won’t take any more shit. I will hang up the call.” – Weiner
“I didn’t think about it. It didn’t cross my mind. I just filled out the form and I sent it. I put it on the parcel and then I gave it to the guy and I paid for it. I sent it Pony Express.” – Jessica
Got back home and turned on the computer.
“The software” put in a temporary password but Jessica screwed it up by trying to figure the password out. The computer restarted.
Jessica figured out the computer password. She sent Weiner the tracking number.
We booped.
Weiner called us back.
He wants the second tracking number. Jessica sent the first one twice “by accident.” Boop!
Weiner called us back.
“You’re welcome. You’re welcome. Now, you can say, ‘Thank you. Thank you.’ Because you’re welcome.” – Jessica
“Fuck you! Please, can you listen to me?!” – Weiner.
We booped.
Weiner called us back pretending to be Roy Williams from the USPS Investigation Department.
[EVOLUTION OF A LIE JESSICA WILSON STYLE] “What’s inside the package? It’s just some books and personal belongings I’m sending to a friend. They’re both going to the same address. There’s no money in there. There’s no money. No. No money whatsoever. Just some good reading books, you know? Just some good reading materials. You know what I mean? A friend and I, we send books to each other. We’re penpals but with books. So, I’ll write a little note and I’ll send them the book and then we do a little, kinda. You know what I mean? It’s for my granddaughter. She reads. Books. Yes, correct. Yes, I sent off two parcels and they’re both books. I forgot a book. I was sending to my granddaughter, forgot that she reads other books, too. So, I sent more books. Yeah, ‘cause she reads. Books. They are both going to the same address. They should be both going to the same address. Like I said, they just contain books. Is there a problem? Is there a problem? Is there a problem? What’s the problem? They’re just books for my granddaughter. You know, books? She reads books. She reads. I verified. I’m just asking, is there a problem with it? Is there a problem with the package or something? What’s the problem? Can you tell me what the problem is? ‘Cause I don’t know how those packages got there. Should I cancel them then? I don’t understand. I didn’t do it. What I put in the package was books. Whatever happened when I handed the package off to the USPS guy, whatever happened, that’s on them. Whatever they stuck in that package, it wasn’t me. I didn’t stick anything in there that wasn’t meant to be there. I stuck books. My granddaughter reads. Books. I don’t know how that got there, sir. I don’t know how that got there. I don’t know. The guy, Jeff, must have opened the package. Jeff must have did it. He was behind the counter. Jeff did it. Jeff did it. Jeff did it. He was behind the counter. Jeff did it. Jeff was the guy behind the counter. When I gave him the package, everything was good. Everything was cool. It was just books. Just books for my granddaughter to read and now, now all of a sudden, there’s something else in that package? That’s not me. I didn’t put that there. Jeff did that. Jeff did that. Jeff was the guy at the postal service. I didn’t do that. Jeff did it. Jeff put it into the package. The person that works at your place, the Jeff. I didn’t put any money orders in there. I didn’t put any money orders in there. I didn’t do it. Jeff did it. Jeff did it. I didn’t put the money in there. I don’t wanna get in trouble. I don’t wanna go to jail. I didn’t put it. I’m innocent. I put no money in there. No money is in the box. He must have signed it on my name, then. I don’t know how it got there. He took my name down. He must have, I don’t know. I’m being framed. I didn’t buy the money order. Why are you pushing me? It’s a case of identity theft. I didn’t buy the money order. I don’t know how it got there. I was sending money to my granddaughter for her college fund. No, I did it. My granddaughter asked me to, my granddaughter, yeah. Yeah. No one else. No one else. Just my granddaughter. OK. She has sent it. I gave her some, there’s some Target cards in there for her. She likes to read books. I gave her some Target cards. And there’s some money in there for her college. They are addressed to her mother. She’s supposed to use them for her college fund. I’m not lying to you. I was, OK, can I just come, who are you? OK. Let me just come clean. I was talking to a Mr. Weiner. Mr. Weiner was hunting a Dill Doe. He told me to put the money in the package and I sent it to the address. I sent two parcels there. So, Mr. Weiner is supposed to collect the parcel at the thing ‘cause he’s trying to get the hacker, Mr. Dill Doe, who locked me out of my computer.” – Jessica
Jessica gave USPS / Roy the phone number to call Mr. Weiner Wilson for the details.
We booped.
Roy called back.
“Did you just hang up the call on me? I am the investigating officer. Alright?” – Roy
We booped.
Roy called back.
He needs Mr. Weiner’s number.
Jessica said that she’d give him one minute to talk after he asked for just one minute of her time. Then, she talked the whole time when the minute was up. Classic Jessica.
We booped.
Mr. Weiner called back.
“I appreciate you putting your big boy pants on, taking care of this job for me. I really do appreciate that. That is so kind of you to do that.” – Jessica
“Call me back in three business days and let me know what’s going to happen.” – Jessica
Weiner says the police are going to come to us for information. Jessica flushes the receipt with tracking number down the toilet to cover her tracks.
“I ain’t goin’ back to jail. You know what I mean? I’ve done time. Yeah, I’ve been to jail. I’m a tough granny. It was years ago, younger days. They busted me for walking across the street without using the crosswalk. Got hard time. They’re crazy. It could have also been that I held up the liquor store. OK? I’m just saying, it’s one or the other. You know? They got me for both.” – Jessica
“I see the messages. I have hands. I can see.” – Jessica
Weiner tells Jessica that she sent the same tracking number to him twice.
He tells her to go to the post office to get a new receipt.
Said we’d call after dinner and the post office.
We booped.
11hr 54min 15sec
Enter your details to subscribe to future blog posts