Episode 311 (take 1 & take 2) Livestream Recap
{311 take 1 & take 2} Monday & Tuesday, June 13 & 14, 2022
{311}
Monday June 13, 2022
the ISP is being replaced TOMORROW
Yes, here was bufferation. Yes, there were sound issues, did you like them? We didn’t. Who knew the mic was integral? We had that lovely echo situation. And then …
Rinoa: “I think the ISP is absolute dogshit.”
Poor John
Timestamp 00:49:01
Jessica vs John
John said never to call this number again. Jessica said she’d never called before.
Jessica called because of a voicemail and is returning the call to the number that called her.
John: “Let me live my life. I just want peace. No problems.”
Jessica recommended John turn off his phone so he can get a break from all the calls.
Jessica: “Go enjoy your morning coffee, sir.”
We learned that John is almost definitely not a scammer. Jessica explained spoof numbers to him. Wished him well.
We booped. 4min42sec
Let’s take this time to work behind the scenes
Rinoa played Ep 308 from 7th June as a rerun. Contrary to what she says, she has a big presence on social media as RinoaPoison and Melonbuddies
Seriously, she just means on a personal level she doesn’t use social media for ‘fun’
The day of the new ISP – preamble about moths
Episode {311} Tuesday June 14, 2022 EST
Jessica vs Kevin Walker
PayPal – Invoice number 11469348269874631
Refund $573 Using 247care.info to get into the computer.
Jessica: “They are asking me for a dirty code. Yeah.”
Rinoa: “The motheater has left the building. I don’t know what to say.”
Kevin: “Why are you wasting my time?”
Kevin bailed and booped. Don’t know why. 8min 53sec
We called him again. Kevin answered. Tested to see that he definitely couldn’t hear Rinoa talking to chat in case that was the reason he bailed. All is well.
Moth-eaten
Nancy vs Mark Edwards /Timothy & Ben Edward /Mr. Mothman
PayPal, Refund amount $573 or $350
Chase Bank Starting balances: checking $5,789.56 savings $15,763.29 CC $-286.75
“Accidental” refund amount $15,000
TeamViewer was used.
Introduced herself as Jessica but put Nancy as the name on the form.
Mark: “Let me speak, please. OK? Because I understand that you are a bit excited about this but let me explain you one thing.”
Mark: “Please do not speak more. OK? What I ask you, just answer that. OK?”
Nancy: “Wrong. It’s all wrong. Just cut that.”
Nancy: “Did I told you that? I didn’t tell you that, did I?”
Mark says that the robotic server doesn’t have a name. Disappointing news.
Nancy: “Yeah, Timothy. I do.” (still speaking to Mark)
Nancy: “I think the robotic server is having a malfunction. It’s back on the TeamViewer site.”
Nancy: “My Roomba, you know, my vacuum cleaner gets stuck under the couch. It doesn’t know it can’t fit in there. It’s not like a cat that’s got whiskers.”
Refund form doesn’t mention PayPal on it but does mention several other businesses.
Rinoa: “The dude’s a weirdo. Holy cow.”
Margaret’s voice to chat: “DOWN WITH THE ESTABLISHMENT BRICK BY BRICK!”
Transferred to refund officer / senior supervisor Ben Edward, not related to Mark
Nancy: “Mr. Mark Edwards was explaining that it’s kinda like a Roomba. Is that right? Is that correct? Is it possible for this thing to get stuck? He was saying that sometimes the Roomba gets stuck or something. I don’t know. He was explaining to me the Roomba gets stuck.”
Nancy: “He said the server was oversmart.”
Refund will be in 2 parts, $150 and then $250.
Nancy: “Now, is this gonna be on the test? Is this gonna be on the final?”
F7 strikes again!
Nancy: “Do you need to get some water or something? […] It sounds like you’re out of breath.”
Nancy: “I put the 1, 5 and then the moths did it. I don’t know how it happened. Like, it was in the rice.”
Nancy: “ I pressed the 1, 5 and then the 0, 0, 0, 0 came up on its own. I never even got the chance to put a decimal point in there. The decimal point just said, ‘No way! I’m not even gonna bother.’ It just, it appeared on its own. It was walking down the street and the decimal point was like, ‘I’m just gonna evade these three zeros coming in.’ I don’t know how to stop it.”
Nancy: “I just don’t know how it happened, Mr. Motheater!”
Nancy: “How do we fix this together? Hand-in-hand, side-by-side?”
We hop in the blue car to withdraw cash at the bank!
Nancy: “Mr. Ben, am I gonna get in trouble for this?”
Ben will call back on another line. He booped.
57min 48sec
Nancy: “The other day, I was in the kitchen and I have one of those sealed jars, like a jar for cookies and stuff. I put rice in it. And I sealed it with a lid. I haven’t had rice in several weeks, you could say, even a month and a half now. I go to my kitchen and there was a bug inside the jar and it’s bouncing around in there. I don’t know how it got there. Any ideas?”
Nancy: “My day has been nuts. It’s been crazy. It’s been the craziest day I’ve ever had.”
Nancy: “I had a crazy day because I woke up today and I was on the floor. The bed was missing. I’m not sure how it happened.”
Nancy: “Yeah, I think something happened to the bed while I was sleepwalking. I must have placed a list on Craig’s List or something ‘cause I’ve done that in the past, where I’ll place something on Craig’s List. Somebody must have came over and bought my bed before I even realized.”
Ben is 35 years old. In his mind, that means ‘near death’.
Nancy: “40 sounds like a good number.”
Nancy: “It’s my voice. I can’t change it.”
Nancy: “You sound pretty young, too. You sound like you’re 22, 23 years old. You sound like a young man. Almost as if your balls haven’t dropped.”
Nancy: “You just picture a dog with worms, but picture that as the yoga position. It’s essentially the same thing. You just scoot around the carpet but like your butt’s on fire. You know what I mean?”
Nancy: “I tried the all-maple syrup diet but it didn’t work.”
Nancy: “What’s your body type? Do you mind me asking? Are you like a little bit large? […] What are you working with?”
Nancy: “We’re all kinda confused with our bodies at some point. Right?”
Nancy: “Worms don’t have blankets.”
Nancy: “Everything comes back to sex in that book.”
Ben: “Exactly.”
Nancy: “You know what a really good book is? Can I recommend a good book? There’s a really, really good book called, “How to Avoid Huge Ships, 2nd edition.”
Nancy: “There’s another book, one of my favorite, absolute best reads that I possibly could recommend for you is, ‘Images You Shouldn’t Masturbate to.’”
Nancy: “You know, I usually have a fantasy, every time I have a fantasy, it’s always the Final Fantasy.”
Nancy: “I’ve always had this fantasy of finding the lost giant squirrel, putting a saddle on it, and being able to ride it into town with a stick and a giant acorn on the end of it. And just having it run through town. It’s been a fantasy of mine for a long time. […] I’d probably have a 10-gallon hat on top. You know?”
Nancy: “No sexual fantasy. Just a giant squirrel.”
Nancy: “Do you like grapes?”
Ben: “Yes, I like grapes.”
Nancy: “Could I put a grape up your nose?”
Ben: “Why?”
Nancy: “You asked. You asked. Now, you get. It’s hot.”
Ben: “It’s hot?”
Nancy: “Yeah, it’s hot. I wanna put a grape up your nose right now.”
Ben: “Really?”
Nancy: “Yeah, really. You asked me. I’m delivering on a silver platter. Hot and steamy. A hot and steamy grape, straight off the platter, up your nose. You know what I mean?”
Ben: “Yeah.”
Nancy: “Yeah, you asked me. Now, you get.”
Ben: “Try not to sleep alone.”
Nancy: “Well, I have a cat.”
Nancy: “What are you talking about? Oh! You’re talking about the remedy? With the mustard? I’ve heard of this. So, I’ve tried this. It just made a mess. I’ve tried it. You know, sleeping with a bed of mustard? It just made a mess. So, you take a bottle of mustard and you squirt it all over your bed and you just lay on top of that and it’s supposed, the aroma from the mustard seed is supposed to calm you down and relax you from when you are sleeping. Didn’t help. It didn’t help. I was still walking around, just covered in mustard. It only made the circumstances a little bit weird.”
Nancy: “I have a good conversation with the cat. Sometimes, we play chess together. […] Right. I have 14 of them. I don’t think I’m lonely.”
Nancy: “Do you sleepwalk at all?”
Ben: “No, I don’t sleepwalk but I have someone before.”
Nancy: “Oh, because you got a boyfriend? I understand. So, it is a solution. Because you have a boyfriend, that’s a solution?”
Ben: “Well, I don’t have a boyfriend. I have lot of boyfriend. You know?”
Nancy: “I collect rubbish cans. I’m a certified trash collector.”
Nancy: “I got a whole collection of hair ties that I’ve been finding. I have socks for days. I never need to buy socks or underwear or anything like that. Always got everything I need.”
Nancy: “You know what they say? One man’s trash is another man’s treasure. Well, I have a lot of treasure at my house. Well, I take the aluminum and I melt it down to a big cube. Then, I just sell it to some sucker that will buy it. I make good money doing what I do.”
Ben: “I’m going to do a partnership with you.”
Nancy: “Go ahead and take your call. We weren’t having a good conversation or anything.”
Nancy: “But I thought you said you had multiple boyfriends. I’m not gonna take you away from that. That would be rude.”
Ben: “No, no. I don’t have any.”
Nancy: “Oh, they all left you just recently?”
Nancy: “I have some questions. If you’re interested in me, I have a questionnaire that I like to go through for people that I first meet, on a first date. Do you mind if I set this up?”
“What would you do if you found a dead body in a hotel room?”
“What if I had killed the person and put the dead body in your hotel room? You’re gonna rat me out? I don’t think that’s a fair thing to do.”
“I wanna know if he’s still got his good kidneys. You know what I mean? There’s a lot of information that can be gathered off of a dead body.”
“If somebody’s bald and they are working in a restaurant, do they have to wear a hairnet?”
“Why is it called ‘beauty sleep’ if, when you wake up, you’re a hot mess?”
“What’s the most embarrassing thing you’ve ever worn in your whole life?”
“How many boiled eggs can you fit in your mouth?”
“How many golfballs can you fit in your mouth?”
Nancy: “It’s just a question I need to know. You know, I’ve thought about these questions a lot. They’re scientifically proven to help keep a long, stable relationship together and this was one of the questions I came up with to prove that I can have a long, you know what I mean?”
Nancy: “Do you think fish are thirsty for water?”
Ben: “I am thirsty for you.”
Nancy: “We’re talking about fish in the water. OK? Don’t get it twisted. We’re asking here good questions.”
“If you punched yourself in the face and it hurt, are you weak or are you strong?”
Call got disconnected. 1hr 49min 59sec
Rinoa: “And it tastes so good. Slaughtered all the almonds for the milk. And then, to add insult to injury, what I like to do is to put little almonds next to the sink and, as I’m sitting there eating the cereal and they’re watching me eat the cereal, then I pour the rest of it down the drain. They get to watch their whole family just be poured down the drain. Satisfaction! The look on their face, the pure joy. The pure joy! I’m sick. I need help.”
[02:35:49]
Accidentally called Kevin instead of Ben Edwards. Didn’t send out the package yet. Don’t have a tracking number yet. Asked him to text the address again so the package can be sent out. We booped. This call was originally with Margaret. He doesn’t seem to have noticed that he wasn’t talking to Margaret. 1min 10sec added to total Brownstain time.
Now 3hr 49min 32sec
[02:41:44]
Called Ben back.
The questionnaire continued:
“Do you talk in your sleep?”
“Have you ever butt dialed someone?”
“Do you have a security blanket?”
Nancy: “I’ll give you 25% of the pizza and then I’ll eat the other 75% of it.”
Ben: “Why don’t we do 50/50?”
Nancy: “I don’t think that’s reasonable. Why would you want half? You haven’t earned it.”
Ben: “OK. I’m happy with 25%.”
Nancy: “If you had to rate your farts on a scale from 1 to 10, from loudness, stinkiness, and all that stuff, on a scale from 1 to 10, how potent are your farts?”
Nancy: “You like espressos or expressions?”
Nancy: “I don’t like people lying to me either. If you didn’t want to be with me, you should have just told me.”
Ben bailed and booped. 2hr 10min 31sec
Tried to call him back. Our number is blocked.
Melon total count of ma’am said by Mark = 39
Melon total count of ma’am said on this call = 46
[3:14:08]
Nancy Wheeler vs Ron Bellfort (Bellfart / Burpfart)
PayPal – QuickBooks Pro
Refund amount $1,481
“Accidental” refund amount $6,418.00
Customer ID number 980249745
Nancy: “Did you just burp on me?”
Nancy: “I did that, Mr. Burpfart. I did that.”
There’s still $20,000+ in Nancy’s checking account from the last scammer. Oops!
Nancy: “What’s your choice of poison?”
Mr. Burpfart says he met his girlfriend in his college days.
Nancy: “Mr. Burpfart, have you ever tried the air biscuit?”
Nancy: “You’re gonna want to pound those air biscuits.”
Nancy: “Can you eat a mango whole, without biting it?”
Nancy: “If you ever get an upset tummy, here’s a little remedy I found. Let me just tell you. Here’s a little remedy I’ll tell you. You can carry this on. You can do it to your friends. It’ll help. Right? If you’re ever eating something and your tummy’s upset, you feel a little nauseous, anything, right? Lift up your shirt and just spank your belly really, really hard. It’ll solve all that. […] Gotta do it extremely hard, like full-on force. You need to get the vibrations of the belly moving. […] The waves in your belly will settle your food through your stomach and it will help pass but you gotta do it really hard. The vibrations of your stomach fat have to jiggle. Basic physics. Basic physics, my friend.”
Nancy: “Everything on the internet is accurate anyway.”
Nancy: “While staring into the sun, I had a thought. I had a thought to myself.”
Nancy believes that the Earth is flat, the sun is a paper cutout, and the sky is a giant computer screen. We’re living in a simulation dome.
Nancy: “Put that server in the dustbin!”
Nancy: “I’m not trying to do any errors. The screen went all zoomy. I don’t know what happened.”
Nancy: “There’s potential here. You like the air biscuits. I know how to make the air biscuits.”
Nancy: “Do you think that’s fair? Why do you have such a lazy family?”
Nancy: “Don’t cry. I would feel guilty. If you wanted to motivate me to do something and you started crying, I probably would be very motivated to go out and get stuff. You know what I mean?”
We got in the blue car to go to Target for gift cards
Nancy: “The stupid server sucks. It’s a pretty stupid server.”
Nancy: “You do know the math doesn’t add up, though, right?”
Burpfart: “Yes, ma’am.”
Nancy: “How much is your job worth?”
Nancy: “Soccer’s not a real sport. I’m talking about real sports.”
Nancy: “Do you believe in ghosts?”
Burpfart: “I have no joke to say to you because my brain is not working.”
Nancy: “I need to know really quick, how does the booty look in the shorts while you’re dancing?”
Burpfart: “Which butt?”
Nancy: “Your buttocks. Don’t be ashamed of it. Everyone’s got a little caboose. I’m wondering, how does it look in bike shorts? That’s all I’m asking here.”
Burpfart: “It do look good.”
Nancy: “‘It do look good?’ That doesn’t sound like a lot of confidence. Let me know you got a boot-y! That’s what I’m asking here.”
Burpfart: “Yeah, I’ve got a good booty.”
He says to get four Target GC for $500 each
We got the cards. Burpfart has been in the car, listening to Country Roads on repeat the whole time. Nancy got 4 gift cards of $5 each.
Nancy went back into Target to get the correct cards.
Burpfart stays in the car, listening to Wheels on the Bus played on repeat.
While Nancy’s in the store, Bob steals the car with the phone in it.
Bob: “Yeah, we met years ago… at that place.”
Bob: “Likewise. I can’t share anything either. It’s classified information.”
Bob: “Do you know if there’s a tracker in this car by any chance? Just out of curiosity, did she ever mention anything about that?”
Burpfart stopped responding. We booped. 2hr 04min 57sec
Burpfart called back. Bob answered. Burpfart booped. 2hr 07min 19sec
Burpfart called back. Nancy answered.
Nancy gave the gift cards to “the fella” who dropped off her car. He said he needed them.
Nancy: “I had a little change of heart. I don’t think I’m going to send you the money.”
Nancy: “I think, you know, when you meet somebody very special and you’re just connected to somebody, and you just have that connection, and then –”
BOOP!
We booped. 2hr 08min 49sec
Burpfart called back several times but we didn’t answer.
Kevin Brownstain? is that you?
Accidentally called Kevin instead of Ben Edwards. Didn’t send out the package yet. Don’t have a tracking number yet. Asked him to text the address again so the package can be sent out. We booped. This call was originally with Margaret. He doesn’t seem to have noticed that he wasn’t talking to Margaret. 1min 10sec added to total Brownstain time.
Now 3hr 49min 32sec
Called Ben back.
The questionnaire continued:
“Do you talk in your sleep?”
“Have you ever butt-dialed someone?”
“Do you have a security blanket?”
Nancy: “I’ll give you 25% of the pizza and then I’ll eat the other 75% of it.”
Ben: “Why don’t we do 50/50?”
Nancy: “I don’t think that’s reasonable. Why would you want half? You haven’t earned it.”
Ben: “OK. I’m happy with 25%.”
Nancy: “If you had to rate your farts on a scale from 1 to 10, from loudness, stinkiness, and all that stuff, on a scale from 1 to 10, how potent are your farts?”
Nancy: “You like espressos or expressions?”
Nancy: “I don’t like people lying to me either. If you didn’t want to be with me, you should have just told me.”
Ben bailed and booped. 2hr 10min 31sec
Tried to call him back. Our number is blocked.
Melon total count of ma’am said by Mark = 39
Melon total count of ma’am said on this call = 46
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