Episode 312 Livestream Recap
{312} Tuesday, June 15, 2022
{312}
Wednesday, June 15, 2022
Gooses
[stream timer 00:26:46]
Jessica Wilson vs Neil Watson & Laura Campbell – Microsoft
Windows Defender – Computer has been blocked for security reasons.
13 Maple St, Copeland, FL 34141
Neil is in Washington, DC.
SS# 9734 (last 4)
Jessica: “I’m making a collage for my art class that I’m taking. There’s a collage that I’m making for gooses. My theme is a goose collage. And I was getting pictures for gooses. Or geese, I guess. Geese. And I was trying to download this picture from the internet.”
Neil said he’d call right back. Neil booped. 1min 14sec Neil called right back.
Neil: “It looks like a hacking attempt, ma’am.”
Neil: “I would like to inform the government regulatrees first that we are suspecting a threat on your line and connection.”
Jessica: “Is the FBI getting involved?”
Neil: “No, ma’am.”
Jessica: “OK.”
Neil: “Why the FBI? This not a movie.”
Jessica: “What do you mean? There was a hacking on my attempt? What do you mean by that?”
Neil: “We’re just trying to make sure, ma’am, that the hackers do not get a chance to bounce back on your account.”
Jessica: “I don’t want them to bumstock on my account. What does that mean? Bumstock? Stack?”
Jessica: “I won’t click a single thing. Not a single thing will be clicked. I’ll leave my mouse. I’ll leeeeeeve the mouse.”
Jessica: “That’s impossible! I don’t even have 4 credit cards. I have three!”
Jessica: “Yeah, you took the words right out of my mouth. You reached into my throat-hole and grabbed them out. It’s crazy. How did you know I was on Amazon?”
Jessica: “I was thinking, like, if maybe the provider could see whether or not there was some activity outside of my state or location that was being accessed through another portal, like a portal gun of some sort, and reaching through, like accessing the network capacitor, you know, whatever it is they tap into.”
Neil: “They were bouncing on your internet address to make transactions.”
Jessica: “Like a trampoline?”
Neil: “No, yeah. They are jumping on it so they could make transactions.”
Jessica: “They were dumping on it?”
Jessica gave him the phone numbers to her credit card companies.
Amazon Prime card limit $5,000
Chase debit $10,000
Chase credit card $10,000 limit but has a small balance of about $300-400
Case ID # MIT78T6V
Chase Bank is going to call us right back. Neil booped. 38min44sec
Rinoa: “We’re about to get into Doofustown here.”
Laura Campbell from Chase Bank called us back.
Jessica: “There are some hackers who are attempting to bounce on my internet services.”
Jessica: “Is it possible to opt out of the call recordings or is it necessary?”
Jessica: “I wasn’t sure if they could fly, like intercept it with a fighter jet or something. You know what I mean?”
Jessica: “I’m still hung up on how they are bouncing on the internet.”
Jessica: “Would it be possible for you to slow down a bit? I don’t know if I’m picking up what you’re putting down right now. You know what I mean? […] You’re just dropping the box on the floor and it’s making a mess.”
Jessica’s date of birth: October 13, 1972
October 17th 1970 is Laura’s mother’s birthday.How absolutely amazing is that?!
Jessica: “If you’re talking about the most perfect number in existence, 13.”
Jessica: “I’m spitting at you the numbers of 1 and 3. Do you know it’s a prime number as well?”
Jessica: “I started to feel the presence of scientology when I was watching Top Gun and my beloved hero, Tom Cruise. He’s a big scientologist. Did you know that?”
Jessica: “How much of a fan of Tom Cruise are you, then?”
The credit limit on Jessica’s Amazon Prime card keeps being increased.
Jessica: “Did I told you to add more money to my account?”
Jessica: “I’m not dumb. Do you think I’m stupid?”
Laura has a son who will be 9 years old soon.
Laura says she’ll call us back to try to get rid of the constant tone on the phone.
Laura booped. 1hr 06min 08sec Laura called back.
An illegal transaction took place for $5,000 early this morning.
Jessica: “You sounded like you need a coffee. You were yawning. This is my livelihood we’re talking about.”
Jessica: “I think what you’re thinking is I’m walking around here in Stupidville but I know stuff. I know some stuff!”
International Cyber Crime Institution (ICCI)
Jessica: “What’s it rated on the Google rating board?”
Laura booped. 1hr 20min 57sec
We called back.
There were 7 attempts at 4:00 am to take money out of Jessica’s account.
Jessica: “Do you need some coffee? […] You sound tired.”
Jessica: “I need you to take my stuff serious. This isn’t a joke.”
Jessica: It’s appropriate to not be sitting there, yawning on the call. Pass me to somebody else or something if you’re too sleepy.”
Jessica: “I like you, Laura. I like you. I think you’re doing a fantastic job, but I don’t need you yawning on my case. OK. It’s understandable. Just have some damn respect.”
Jessica: “Do I sound like someone who has approved a transaction I didn’t make?”
Jessica: “Do I sound like someone who would spend $5,000 on pornography?” Prune-ography.
Jessica: “I’m sorry. Sorry. Excuse me one second. Tickling my devices? What are you talking about ‘tickling my devices?’”
Jessica [overtalking]: “Go ahead. I just want to understand what you’re saying.”
Jessica: “Are we in a kangaroo court right now? I don’t understand. Why was it considered for approval if you saw the transaction on the ticket?! Jury, this is insane! I rest my case. I rest my case. I don’t know what else to say here. It’s bananas. It’s kangaroo court at this point.”
Jessica: “You wanted me to think about the purchase of illegal pornography on my bank account?”
Jessica: “It don’t make a damn lick of sense!”
Laura said someone else will call us back. Laura booped 1hr 52min 00sec Nobody called back.
Banana Lover sent us a text of bad words in Hindi. We tried calling him.
Dhruv didn’t answer the phone.
We sent a text: “Call me. It’s very important.”
We learned the extent of the Melon Point inflation crisis.
Rinoa, first reading a comment in chat: “‘For only 33 cents a day, you can help Melon Point inflation. Act now!’ It shows just sad melons, you know, like on the vine, just all sad and lonely and playing, ‘The Wings of an Angel’ as they show melons. ‘You, too, can help fight Melon Point inflation for only 33 cents a day, barely a fraction of anything, a fraction of a dollar. For one-third of a dollar, you can help fight Melon Point inflation. It’s a serious cause and you can help feel good about yourself.”
Spoofed number!
[Stream time 2:53:35]
We returned a call to an incoming missed call number.
It was a spoofed number. Poor guy.
Level 42 technician
[03:02:20]
Jessica Wilson vs Shawn Winter
Tech support – ID# 8332955678
Laptop serial number 75611284566385671823311452007539542017632
PID# 753124997-23811-4320089-148921
$199 fee for technician services
Gamer tag: bunnydestroyer9000
407-555-4856
13 Maple St Rd, Near the Sign 34315
Bunny@gmail.com
Rinoa: “This is a level 42 technician. OK?”
Jessica: “I do play Minesweeper.”
Jessica: “Sometimes, I play Angry Toad simulator online. Basically, it’s a game where you simulate playing a very angry, disturbed, annoyed toad. There’s also Angry Beavers. It’s similar. It’s developed by the same developer.”
Jessica: “You basically simulate a really angry toad and you basically just kinda stumble across the water in a rage.
Jessica: “You get to play a family of toads. I personally like playing the mother toad. That’s my favorite one, the mother toad. Would you play the mother toad?”
F7 strikes again!
Shawn: “Mostly I play Angry Birds and interesting game, like Contra.”
Jessica: “Try, consider playing Angry Mother Toad. It’s really good.”
Jessica: “I’m into the Mother Toad.”
Shawn: “Mader Chod.”
Jessica: “Is that possible because that’s over 25%?”
Shawn is a level 2 technician.
Shawn: “Ma/am, you are playing online game and I already told you do not do anything to your computer.”
Shawn: “You got the Trojans on your computer.”
Jessica: “What about removing the internet infections? What about the internet infections so I can have faster gaming?”
Jessica: “I’m a gamer. You’re a gamer. Right? We’ve both badmouthed somebody’s mother we haven’t met. So, I mean, that makes us gamers.”
Jessica: “You could speed up the network if you download some more RAM or something. I want lower ping. OK?”
Jessica: “What I’m trying to say is, it’s not me that’s playing bad. It’s everyone else. You know, when I 360 nose scope somebody and they don’t die, that’s a problem. I shot them. They should be dead.”
Jessica: “I have some XBox gift cards. I could pay you in those if you want because I know you’re a gamer, too. Right? Or Steam gift cards? Either one, I can do either one.”
Jessica: “I don’t wanna get scammed. It’s one of those things. I want the work to get done. I’ve done this before where people tell me, ‘I’ll get on your account and then get you all these cool things,’ and then I end up getting scammed. They steal my account information.”
Jessica: “I don’t wanna lose my RuneScape account again. This happened before.”
Shawn has been playing Contra for 3-4 years. He’s on level 2.
Jessica: “Why have you not prestiged your character yet? I don’t understand. Are you a noob?”
Jessica: “That sounds like you’re crap at the game.”
Jessica: “Do yourself a favor and just take your cartridge and just throw it in the dustbin. You obviously can’t play. You’re crap at it. I’m very disappointed. I’m very disappointed. You’re a bad gamer.”
Shawn: “How long have you been playing online games?”
Jessica: “All my life. Since I was a baby. Dude, out the womb, I had a controller. Like come on now. I was destined to be a gamer.”
Jessica: “So, twenty years and you’re only a level 2 on Contra?”
Shawn: “Yes.”
Jessica: “How is that even possible? I didn’t think you could suck at the game so hard.”
Shawn booped. 51min 08sec We suspect he realized the card and/or address were fake.
Limewire
[04:29:40]
Nancy Wheeler vs John Walker (Texas Ranger / George)
Call was breaking up. We booped so he could call back. 1min 40sec
John called back.
Nancy: “I was trying to download some wallpaper.”
Nancy: “I was trying to download some more RAM on the computer to extend its lifespan. Yeah.”
Nancy: “I like to be on LimeWire.”
Nancy: “Mr. Texas Ranger, what do we need to do to get this problem solved?”
Nancy: “Where’s the Robert key on the keyboard?”
Nancy: “Yeah, my patience is running thin, though.”
Nancy: “Give me a play-by-play? Walk me through it?”
Texas Ranger: “Sure.”
Silence.
Nancy: “What is this information, George?”
John: “My name is John. It’s not George.”
John: “I haven’t seen that message on your computer. Your computer is working fine.”
Nancy: “I was three bottles of wine into the internet today. I was drinking today. I was drinking all the time.”
Nancy: “I decided that I would start looking for geese online. That’s when I stumbled across the thing that imploded and it took over my entire screen, saying that there was some sort of interference or virus on the wifi or malware. I don’t know what it was.”
Nancy: “I plead the fifth. This isn’t a recorded line or anything. Right? Oh. Scratch that from the recording then, please. Scratch that.”
Nancy: “Do you like drinking wine, too? What’s your favorite beverage?”
Nancy: “What’s a fault bucket? Who’s fault was it? The bucket’s fault?”
Nancy: “They must have gone bye-bye.”
Nancy: “You do your thing. I was just drinking some wine.”
Nancy: “What video games do you like to play, George?”
Nancy: “What was your thoughts on the biscuit? Was it fresh?”
Nancy: “You wanted me to fart in your mouth?”
George booped. 27min 27sec
We called him back. He claimed that he wasn’t there.
George was typing on the shared notepad.
Nancy: “It says, ‘Don’t call on…’ It’s you. You’re doing it. I can hear you typing.”
Nancy: “You’re busted. The gig’s up. You’re busted. You’re busted.”
Nancy: “Yeah, I want you to hang up the phone in my face.”
George booped. 30min 47sec
George typed on the shared notepad: “Don’t call on you are not nancy even i know the computer is a virtual machine i know that”
Nancy: “Love you -Nancy <3”
George: “fuck off how old are you that ?”
George continued to type and Nancy responded.
Rinoa: “He said his private area is in an extended mode and something he wants to suck a fart down his pipehole. I don’t know. It’s very weird. It’s very strange.”
George continued to type more.
Nancy: “Your floppy disk is full.”
Rinoa: “I also like my rice with moths in it, like larvae and stuff. That’s pretty good, too. Yum, yum, yums!”
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