Episode 335 Livestream Recap
{335} Tuesday, August 9, 2022 – 4 p.m. ET (started late due to ISP issues)
No Ducks Were Harmed in the Making of this Stream
Transferring Clown Shenanigans…
Stream Timestamp [00:08:10] of 3rd stream
Jessica Williams vs David & James William & Noah Flynn (Slain) & Ryan & Jack & Johnson Good & Edward Martin -Norton
Refund amount $349 + extra to buy computer, totaling $1,000
TeamViewer was used.
Jessica faded in and out of a southern accent throughout the call.
We were transferred to James William.
James became frustrated.
James: “You daughter of a sewer drain, go to hell!” He bailed and booped.
We called back. Noah answered.
Jessica wrote note to herself on the notepad:
“Noah – Norton tech support. Sounds like a little bitch personally. Many years, has awful memory.”
As an aside, Rinoa let us know that there were FOUR people connected to her computer!
Noah said that they sent the refund. He couldn’t even ask Jessica to login to her bank account because the computer was going all haywire. Noah said that he will pay her $500 to cover the cost of a new computer.
Jessica: “Fix it right now, Squirrel boy!”
Noah: “Sorry from my core of heart.”
Jessica [overtalking]: “You have every single tab open. What is all this? What have you done? You messed everything up! I think you’re jacking it all up!”
Noah now said he’d pay Jessica $1,000 to cover the cost of a new computer since he broke hers.
Jessica: “How am I supposed to watch my cat videos?”
Jessica: “Why do I have to plug out my computer?”
Jessica: “How did you do this? How did you do it?”
Jessica: “Noah, you need to fix my computer.”
Noah: “Yes, I know. I’m going to pay you for it.”
Jessica: “I wasn’t going too fast. You weren’t listening fast enough.”
Jessica said that she wanted a laptop with a light-up keyboard. She has a credit limit of $10,000, only about $300-$400 used.
Jessica: “Noah! You told me I was pre-approved! Are you taking it back?”
Noah: “No.”
Jessica: “Why is my computer broken again?”
Noah wanted to transfer the call but Jessica didn’t want him to.
Noah: “Ma’am, I’m not intelligent as you are. OK? I am not much intelligent as you are.”
Noah: “If you think you can shout very loudly, I can shout as much you can. OK?”
We were transferred to Ryan, senior supervisor, who told Jessica to go to cornhub dot com.
Jessica: “Every time I let you on my computer, you break it.”
Jessica: “What kind of shenanigans, what kind of clowns are running this show here?”
We were transferred back to Noah.
Jessica: “Put the dumb one back on the phone.”
We were transferred back to Ryan, who we learned is 32 years old.
Jessica: “You need to learn to grow up. Go sit in the corner. If you keep crying like that, you’re gonna get no dessert either.”
We were transferred to Noah yet again.
We were transferred to Jack.
Jessica: “Your refund process is dancing around like a circus?”
Jessica: “This is standard Noah protocol here? Breaking computers, smashing things, and then leaving when things get too hard?”
Jack: “In his leg, there is injury. That is why he is very frustrated.” (talking about Noah)
Jessica [overtalking]: “There’s a Ben & Jerry’s in his leg and he’s frosty right now?”
We were transferred to Noah, who didn’t want to tell us how he got Ben & Jerry’s in his leg. Turns out it was a motorcycle accident, where he landed in mint chocolate chip ice cream.
Jessica: “Do you have a lover? Noah, I need to know. Do you have anybody special at home?”
Noah: “No, I’m awesome.”
Jessica: “You’re awesome? That’s why you’re single?”
Noah: “Yeah.”
Call got disconnected. 1hr 47min 50sec Noah called back. Jessica pretended that she couldn’t hear Noah. He booped. He called back.
On notepad, “someone” typed “Lauda Phek ke marunga, teri puri khandaan chud jaygi”
Jessica: “What does it say?”
Noah said he didn’t write that and accused Jessica of writing it, then said it was a technical error code.
Jessica said that she isn’t typing on the computer. She wanted to know what the words meant.
Later, the notepad said:
“Lauda Phek Ke Marunga, Teri Puri Khandaan Chud Jayegi
Hazar Randiyon Ki Cunt Ki Pasine me tale hue bhajiye
Teri maa ki chud
Randy ki aulad”
Noah: “We can’t understand it, too. You need explain it me.”
Jessica: “It’s all Greek to me. It’s like a code or something. You know what I mean?”
Nobody knows for sure who wrote these notes. It’s one of the great mysteries of this world.
Jessica: “Can I give you a proud name?”
Transferred to Johnson Good, who was working to kick the intruder off Jessica’s computer. Then we were transferred to Edward Martin.
Jessica: “I want that money. I want that money. I want that money. I want that money. I want that money.”
Edward: “You will get it. You will get it. You will get it. You will get it. You will get it.”
While “on hold,” Rinoa was able to gather some information from them talking amongst themselves which she will be able to report.
Edward: “You got your new computer? Fuck off. You won’t be getting this computer anymore.”
Jessica asked for some Amazon gift cards to pay for the awesome gaming laptop she just bought.
Jessica logged into her Chase account but the Work Securely screen came up immediately. Jessica felt that she needed to shut it down.
Edward: “Now, I will push some buttons on your Chase Bank and I will take all your money from your Chase Bank page.”
Jessica: “Why would you take all my money, you weasel?”
Jessica: “You can’t protect anybody, not even yourself, from the hackers.”
Jessica: “Duck you, buddy! Go splash some Ben & Jerry’s in your face. Duck it in your face!”
Jessica: “Let’s be adults about this for a second. Calm down.”
Edward tried to syskey Jessica’s computer but she kept seeing the password REFUND12345, making it ineffective as a syskey.
Edward: “I will kiss your bum.”
Jessica: “That’s not a good thing, bud.”
Jessica: “That’s a perfect way to end the conversation. I hope you find somebody to work on your bum as well. Have a good one.”
We booped in his face.
Total Time Wasted: 2hr 42min 50sec
MelonBuddy Translations throughout the call:
Where is the download button?
Hey, did you login?
Bring that laptop over here and sit here.
Move that stuff out of the way and then put it.
Every time I try to connect, the computer keeps beeping. It’s annoying.
Hey, call them on TextNow from here.
It’s free to call. I got the subscription.
The connection is way too slow.
I deleted TeamViewer already.
What are you putting a special charge?
It’s going very slow.
Why does she keep touching the computer?
Give her some excuse to get her to login to her computer.
Let her see her screen and disable her mouse.
Reenable the screen and disable the mouse.
This customer is a pain in the butt. It was going so well in the beginning.
WTF is wrong with this Wi-Fi?
Let’s not waste more time with this customer.
I got the customer convinced but this slow connection is messing everything up.
Give me the textmail.
But I’m not getting anywhere, though.
**MelonBuddy explained that they were having connection issues and their network was slow. They keep trying to connect with multiple computers because their network is slow. They think using a different device will help.
This is the Cyber Police!!
Stream Timestamp [03:12:50]
Jessica called John, the Kisser.
She wants a black BMW with red doors and a white trunk.
We sent John a photo of himself that we got off his phone. He hung up so that he could see what we sent. He didn’t seem happy to see it.
Rinoa: “The shit in his pants aside, I don’t think he’s ever contacting me again.”
Bob called John.
Bob: “I want to let you know that there is a thorough investigation out after you. OK? I want to let you know you need to stop doing what you’re doing. I have your picture. I have your address. I have all your information. Knock it off. OK? This is your fair warning by the cyber police. OK? If you continue this, we’ll have to investigate further with your country and law enforcements there. We have your information.”
John booped.
Total Time Wasted: 3hr 11min 23sec
Rinoa: “We’re just the cyber police. We are a joke. We are an absolute joke. We will come down there and smack your belly.”
See You Wednesday at 2 p.m. Eastern for Livestream on Twitch!!
You can watch this full episode on the Rinoa Poison Archive YouTube channel!
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