Special Edition: Rinoa Poison’s POETRY!
Flashback to Poetry Peter’s Poems
For your pleasure the TWO official versions of the Letters
from:
Awkward Scam Takes Wrong Turn!
Special thanks to Melon Patch member @melonmayonnaise for helping to make this possible.
These are the written poems which were given to Peter to read on the live Twitch stream. Any spelling errors in this document are there INTENTIONALLY. We left these in so that you can see how the stream ACTUALLY happened:
Love letter I
Hello Jessica,
This is Peter Williams, your grandmother’s tech support agent advisor.
I know we’ve just met, there is still so much we don’t know about each other, but time will correct this.
Money is no object.
My love is for you is like a river, like a summer breeze that makes my soul shiver. One look from you is more precious than gold.
Let’s go get some barbecue and get busy.
Your voice of the seven seas blowing and your hair flows like mayonnaise from a ceiling fan.
I’m currently following you on all Social Medias.
Your eye piercings like wild barking turkeys.
Your nose larger than life, glowing in the moonlight.
Love letter II
Dear Jessica,
You are the moonlight of my life. You are the candle that burns in my soul.
You make my donut hole pucker. Your lips sweeter than a whales kiss.
I would do backflips if I had a chance to take you out for a coffee.
Money is no object.
You are looking extra cute in that red blouse, did your mother help dress you?
Your hair as neat as a birds nest that has been attacked by wild turkeys on a hot summer afternoon.
You take my breathe away.
I take one look at you and think, Milk, Milk, Lemonade, around the corner fudge is made.
My heart beats and so does yours. Personally that’s good enough for me.
Birds will gather during our wedding day to sing love songs, once they’re finished singing, I’ll whip out my 45 and gat their ass!
We’re like a double rainbow on a wet street corner collecting trash near a storm drain. Like socks in a puddle of water.
Our love can’t be broken as I’m following you on all social medias. Sometimes while thinking of you, my donut hole echoes stories of passionate love songs.
Smell the love around us, because I sure do!
Love letter III
Dear, Jessica!
I am always thinking about you in my loneliest hours, hot and sweaty. We always have such wonderful times when we are alone.
My feelings for you intensified when I collapse under the moonlight.
I bet you smell like skittles, taste the rainbow.
Fellatio.
Your face of the size of a whole watermelon.
Your body is a castle, forbidden to raid.
Without you, I have no life, so marry me, To be my wife.
Money is no object.
My donut hole is puckering.
You make my eyes burn with ever sight. I follow you on all Social Medias.
I’ll lick the donut hole of a turkey if it means something.
A cushion has 4 soft corners but I have one million for you.
I beat my meat it’s sore.
I’m gonna take you on a trip, to a place that really sucks ass.
I’d rather have a buffalo take a diarrhea dump in my ear.
I’d rather eat rotten asshole of a roadkilled skunk and down it with beer.
I want to put my sushi in your purse.
Your hair of straw.
You are the 2 to my pac.
I bet you’re like an M&M and melt in my mouth.
Let me put my hard disc inside your drive.
Your beauty makes my eyes leak, and your voice makes my mountain peak.
Money is no object.
I like trains.
I would share and insurance policy with you.
My heart has a pulse and so does yours, that’s still good enough for me.
Your knees, knobby like a cabinet.
You are beautiful like a squirrel, I would love to be your hamster.
You will always be my chucky vampire.
You open the doggie door to my heart.
I want to bang you like a screen door in a wind storm.
I love you!
Love letter IV
Your love is like a rose with petals of scaly toes, with thorns that prick my soul.
I want a donut hole.
Get the popcorn, this is a long one.
You spin me right round, baby, right round, like a hamster wheel, right round.
Your Bosoms are like rip melons.
You make my day go by faster and fast, soon I will be 80 years old.
Have been waiting many moments for a day like today.
Money is no object.
I want to share my Air Biscuits with you forever. On the thirteenth day of the thirteenth month, I’ll be outside your window so we can run away together.
I’m currently following you on all social medias.
Looking good!! What’s on the menu?
You make my soft corners round.
You make me want to eat a plate of corn with my hands tied behind my back.
Like meatloaf, you make my mouth water, but I cannot have you!
Butt promise, I love you!
Money is no object.
You make me skewer myself and put in a tandoori oven, ME tikka!
You smell like elderberries! Peter pecked a pickled pepper!
When I look at you, I think of cotton candy!
You Crush my grapes!
I want blow raspberries on your belly.
Your voice is like water under the bridge.
You are my animal crossing.
I like pancake.
Toy boat, Toy boat, Toy boat, Toy boat.
You’re like the spoon I plunge into my mayonnaise jar.
You are like a chicken in my barn.
You are the helium in my balloon, you lift me up.
You make me want to siphon the life from your chess.
You give my life meaning, just like Nascar. Do like Nascar and put a ring on it.
Is your name Google? Because you have everything I’ve been searching for.
Berries and berries and cream Berries and cream. I’m a little lad who loves Berries and cream. Are you wifi because I found a connection.
If our Titanic were sinking, I’d let you share my door.
Three free fleas sneeze.
I’m jealous of your heart because it’s pounding inside you and I’m not.
Patience you must have my young padawan.
We’re no strangers to love, You know the rules and so do I, A full commitment’s what I’m thinking of, You wouldn’t get this from any other guy.
I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling, Gotta make you understand, Never gonna give you up, Never gonna let you down, Never gonna run around and desert you, Never gonna make you cry, Never gonna say goodbye, Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
Let’s sew our lives together… then we can hug each other forever.
Dammit, I put my chips back.
I’m like a beaver with a broken Dam.
My love for you stretches to the end of this poem and back.
I will always consider you my schnookums cuddly wuddly bear.
Was your dad a boxer? Because you’re a knockout.
I like you a lot, almost as much as I like Cheese Its!
You make me hot and sweaty when I think of you, spank spank.
You are the pea in my pod.
Do you like raisins?
How do you feel about a date?
You are the Pepper to my Spray!
You are the mud on my flaps.
Money is no object.
I love my job only when I’m on vacation.
Baby, if you were the words on a page, you’d be fine print!
Paint your wagon, and come along.
Roses are red and so are my shoes. Have you got any grapes?
Take me to the church on time.
I think the cat got into the dryer.
Why waste your time? You know you’re gonna be mine?
I’m stuck to you like peanut butter on Wonderbread.
Are you a diamond, because you’re shining.
Your grandma will be my grandma.
I want to spank the monkey, spank spank.
If you love me, put your pants on!
I Love you, Jessica!
Love letter V
Dear Jessica
Captain Kangaroo that I am, I jump for your love like kangaroo on coffee. I want to carry you around my pouch and jump around out back, like a kangaroo on crack.
Want to jump in my pouch and go down under, spank, spank.
Money is no object.
Money in the bank, shorty what ya drank.
I like trains.
My donut hole puckers hard on release I would shit in my pants.
I want to spank ya all on the floor, spank that until you get sore.
Words cannot espresso how much you bean for me.
Chicken wing.
My love is endless, like a bottomless cup of coffee.
Money is no object.
Skeet Skeet, Love is like a prison pocket.
Get on this horse, My horse is amazing.
My heart burns for you like a 6 pack of beer.
Jimmy, Jimmy, whack me noodle, rub my belly.
Love you dearly, Jessica.
This version is what Peter said, which can be seen in the edited YouTube video:
Love letter I
I know we’ve just met, there is still so much we don’t know about each other, but time will correct this.
Money is no object.
My love is for you. It’s like a river, like a summer breeze that makes your soul shiver.
One look from you is more precious than gold.
Let’s go get some barbecues and get busy.
Your voice is the seven seas blowing and your hair flows like mayonnaise from a ceiling fan.
I’m currently following you on all social medias.
Your eyes piercing like wild barking turkeys, your nose larger than life, glowing in the moonlight.
And you are so pretty, Jessica.
Love letter II
Dear Jessica,
You are the moonlight of my life.
You are the candle that burns in my soul.
You make my donut hole pucker.
Your lips is sweeter than a whale’s kiss.
I would do backflips if I had the chance to take you out for a coffee.
Money is no object.
You are looking extra cute in that red blouse. Did your mother help dress you?!
Your hair as neat as a bird’s nest that has been attacked by wild turkeys on a hot summer afternoon.
You take my breath away.
I take one look at you and think, “Milk, milk, milk, lemonade. Around the corner, fudge is made.”
My heart beats and so does yours. Personally, that’s good enough for me.
Birds will gather during our wedding day to sing love songs. Once they’re finished singing, I’ll whip out my 45 and gat their ass!
We’re like a double-rainbow on a wet street corner, collecting trash near a storm drain. Like socks in a puddle of water.
Our love can’t be broken as I’m following you on all social medias.
Sometimes while thinking of you, my donut hole echoes stories of passionate love songs.
Smell the love around us because sure I do.
Love letter III
Dear Jessica,
I am always thinking about you in my loneliest hours, hottie and sweaty!
We always have such wonderful times when we are alone.
My feelings for you intensified when I collapse under the moonlight.
I bet you smell like skittles. Taste the rainbow.
Fellatio.
Your face of the size of a whole watermelon.
Your body is a castle, forbidden to raid.
Without you I have no life, so marry me to be my life.
Money is no object.
My donut hole is perking.
You made my eyes burn with every sight.
I follow you on all social medias.
I’ll lick the donut hole of a turkey if it means something.
A cushion has 4 soft corners but I have one million for you.
I beat my meat; it’s sore.
I’m gonna take you on a trip to a place that really sucks ass.
I’d rather have a buffalo take a diarrhea dump in my ear.
I’d rather eat rotten asshole of a roadkilled skunk and down with it beer.
I want to put my sushi in your purse.
Your hair of my straw.
You are the 2 of my pac.
I bet you’re like an M&M and melt in my mouth.
Let me put my hard disc inside your drive.
Your beauty makes my eyes leak, and your voice makes my mountain peak.
Money is no object.
I like trains.
I would share an insurance policy with you.
My heart has a pulse and so does yours. That’s still good enough for me.
Your knees, knobby like a cabinet.
You are beautiful like a squirrel.
I would love to be your hamster.
You will always be my chucky vampire.
You open the doggie door to my heart.
I want to bang you like a screen door in my windstorm.
I love you!
Love letter IV
Your love is like a rose with petals of scaly toes, with thorns that prick my soul.
I want a donut hole.
Get the popcorn; this is a long one.
You spin me right round, baby right round, like a hamster wheel, right round.
Your bosoms are like ripe melons.
You make my day go by faster and faster and fast.
Soon, I will be 80 years old.
Have been waiting many moments for a day like today.
Money is no object.
I want to share my air biscuits with you forever.
On the 13th day of the 13th month, I’ll be outside your window so we can run away together.
I’m currently following you.
And you are absolutely looking good!!
What’s on the menu?
You make my soft corners round.
You make me want to eat a plate of corn with my hands tied behind my back.
Money is no object.
You make me skewer myself and put in a tandoori oven, ME tikka!
You smell like elderberries!
Peter pecked a pickl pepper!
When I look at you, I think of cotton candy.
You crush my grapes.
I want blow raspberries on your belly.
Your voice is like water under the bridge.
You are my Animal Crossing.
I like a pancake.
Toy boat, Toy boat, Toy boat, Toy boat.
You’re like the spoon I plunge into my mayonnaise jar.
You are like a chicken in my barn.
You are the helium in my balloon; you lift me up.
You make me want to siphon life from your chess.
You give my life meaning, just like NASCAR. Do like NASCAR and put a ring on it.
I’m jealous of your heart because it’s pounding inside you and I’m not.
Patience you must have, my young padawan.
We’re no strangers to love.
You know the rules and so do I.
A full commitment is what I’m thinking of. You wouldn’t get this far from any other guy
I just wanna tell you how I’m feeling.
Gotta make you understand.
Never gonna give you up. Never gonna let you down. Never gonna run around and desert you.
Never gonna make you cry. Never gonna say goodbye. Never gonna tell a lie and hurt you.
Never gonna sew our lives together… then we can hug each other forever.
Dammit, I put my chips back.
I’m like a beaver with a broken dam.
My love is for you, stretches to the end of this poem and back.
I will always consider you mine because you are a knockout.
I like you a lot, almost as much as like Cheese Its!
You make me hot and sweaty when I think of you. Spank, spank.
You are the pea in my pod.
Do you like raisins?
How do you feel about a date?
You are the pepper of my spray!
You are the mud of the flaps.
Money is no object.
Are you a diamond, because you’re shining.
Your grandma will be my grandma.
I want to spank the monkey. Spank spank.
If you love me, put your pants on!
Love you, Jessica!
Love letter V
Dear Jessica,
Captain Kangaroo that I am, I jump for my love like kangaroo on coffee.
I want to carry you around my pouch and jump around out back, like a kangaroo on crack.
Want to jump in my pouch and go down under?
Spank, spank.
Money is no object.
Money in the bank, shortly what ya drank?
I like trains.
My donut hole puckers hard on release; I would shit in my pants.
I want to spank you all on the floor, spank that until you get sore.
Words cannot espresso how much you bean for me.
Chicken wing.
My love is endless, like a bottomless cup of coffee.
Money is no object.
Skeet Skeet.
Love is like a prison pocket.
Get on this horse. My horse is amazing.
My heart burns for you like a 6 pack of beer.
Jimmy, Jimmy, whack me noodle.
Love me, love me, love me, dear Jessica.
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